Diary
by savextonight
Summary: Songfic: Ginny finally opens up about everything; her feelings about Harry and even the mysterious diary she's been writing in. She allows herself to finally question everything inside of her in the form of a letter written to no one. Set during CoS.


..:ok…well, I basically just…desperately needed to write something. I wanted to write a fanfic type thing, but I don't really have any big ideas to carry through as a story. so I settled on a song fic…it's to Alicia Keys' "Diary" which is a song that I love. It's set sometime during the Chamber of Secrets…Told in first-person POV, Ginny. (I sorta just realized how young they are…so this probably wouldn't be very appropriate, but…just pretend they're all older?) It's my first songfic, so…review and give me any pointers at all! thanks!

**Diary **

_Lay your head on my pillow_

_Here you can be yourself_

I don't understand. Sometimes, my brothers threaten to put a Silencing Spell on me, because I just won't shut up. I'm the bright, bubbly girl. The one who gets voted "most friendly" in the yearbook. The one who says "hi" to complete strangers simply because they look upset. So…I wonder. Why does he have that kind of effect on me?

_No one has to know what you are feeling_

_No one but me and you_

I wish he would talk to me. I tell myself, "Maybe…if he made that first move…somehow I could open up." But as much as I think that…well, I know. The matter is amusing, because…he's my brother's best friend. I've seen him in my own home…right there. Sitting across the table from me…smiling at me while I completely froze in shock and fear. It's my own fault.

_I won't tell your secrets_

_Your secrets are safe with me_

_I will keep your secrets_

_Just think of me as the pages in your diary_

So I found the diary. It was just there…I had to write in it, had to tell someone. How…insane it all was. How I know now…he'll never notice me. I'm in love with a person who no longer even spares me a glance. Because I came across as being half mentally-retarded this summer. Because I can't open up, can't be myself.

_I feel such a connection_

_Even when you're far away_

I guess one could say I admire from afar. No one knows, not really. I'm sure someone must suspect. But honestly, the only one who knows every detail is my diary. And the mysterious writer on the other side.

_ooh, baby, if there is anything you fear_

_call 489 4608 and I'll be here_

I want to keep his secrets…want him to confide in me, like he does with Ron and Hermione. But I'm just the little sister. Too young, naïve, and immature to ever be of any use. To ever be trusted. And I guess with the way things have been going, I shouldn't be trusted. I don't even know what's happening to me anymore. All I know are my feelings for him, they're concrete…

_I won't tell your secrets_

_Your secrets are safe with me_

_I will keep your secrets_

_Just think of me as the pages in your diary_

Maybe someday he'll look at me, and see me. I mean, really see me, I'll be someone. But…

_Only we know what is talked about_

_I don't know how you could be driving me so crazy_

I'm so sick of not being me. I never imagined I'd fall this hard, this fast. I thought I was smarter than that. But apparently not. Because…I know exactly what he looks like when he's sad. Upset. Happy. I know just how his nose scrunches up and just how his eyebrows draw together when he's glaring at Malfoy, a look of hate that doesn't suit him. I know just how his eyes suddenly illuminate and his mouth tightens to a thin line of determination when he's about to fly. I study him so hard, but he doesn't…

doesn't know I exist.

_Baby, when you're in town_

_Why don't you come around_

_I'll be the loyalty you need_

_You can trust me. _

In Astronomy, Professor Sinistra tells us how stupid Muggles tried to believe in magic long ago. How they thought that four-leaf clovers were good luck, and that black cats were bad. He told us that the silliest of all their invented spells was that when you wished upon a shooting star…your wish would come true. I always listen to my professors…they know best, don't they? But at the same time I see the beauty in the Muggle tradition. Absurd as it is…it's nice to believe in something 'just because'.

_I won't tell your secrets_

_Your secrets are safe with me_

Every evening I go to the Owlery. The moonlight washes over me as I go to the window. In the night sky I almost always spot a shooting star.

_I will keep your secrets_

And every star I see, Harry, I wish that you would notice me. Wish that you would let me be the pages of your diary.

_Just think of me as the pages in your diary_

..:Whew…ok. That was interesting…not as good as I intended. And sort of confusing. Sorry…well, R/R, please!

_Song is Alicia Key's "Diary" …obviously not mine. It's lovely and is all her talent. _


End file.
